Many times, my clients will say something or ask a question, and then quickly ask if it was okay to say. Since this isn’t the kind of thing you learn in school, I thought it may be helpful to offer some therapy etiquette 101.
Below are some of the most common areas of confusion for what’s appropriate to say to your therapist:
Swearing. Although everyone has their own feelings about using swear words, doing so in a therapist’s office should not typically be a concern. Building an authentic relationship with your therapist is the only way that you will be able to get the most out of your work together, and it’s important that you feel comfortable expressing yourself the same way you would with anyone else.
Talking about using drugs. Many people are hesitant to openly discuss drug use with their therapists because they are worried about sharing illegal activity. Aside from a few very specific issues that your therapist is mandated to report (child or elder abuse, a plan for/threat of suicide or homicide), everything else you share is entirely confidential. Your therapist will not disclose your drug use to anyone and should be expected to offer non-judgmental support. Therapy can only be helpful to you if you are open and honest.
Talking about sex. Sex is a part of life and relationships. Therapists should be able to have open dialogue about anything and everything related to sex. If you find that a therapist is not supportive of a particular issue related to sex, they may not be the right fit for you. I recommend always working with a therapist who describes themselves to have a sex-positive attitude if this is an issue that you will be discussing.
Asking your therapist personal questions. Asking your therapist questions about their personal lives will get you varying responses, depending on the person. As a general rule, many therapists have been taught that they should be a blank slate who shares no personal information so that their clients are able to focus on themselves rather than the therapist. However, a more modern-day approach has allowed many therapists to feel comfortable being a little bit more authentic and open with their clients. How much a therapist is comfortable sharing about their own lives will vary widely. I suggest always avoiding very personal questions about your therapist’s family and relationship status but it’s always okay to clarify what the boundaries are.
Now that you know some of the basic etiquette, hopefully you feel more comfortable making that first appointment. Schedule a meeting with me today.