In their 2014 book Running on Empty, Webb & Musello introduce the concept of emotional neglect. Our perception of ourselves and the world, as well as how we understand and manage emotions, are learned at a very young age within our families. Without effective role models to teach us how to respond to our emotions, many of us will not learn how to recognize and address them.
Noting that people who experienced emotional neglect during their childhood were typically not physically abused or neglected, they attempt to define the type of emotional disconnection by caregivers (usually parents) that can result in long-standing difficulty recognizing and connecting with our own emotions as adults. Many people who experienced emotional neglect are not aware of it because it isn’t usually obvious.
Below are 10 signs that you may have experienced emotional neglect:
You feel empty, emotionally numb or like you’re on the outside looking in on life.
You are afraid of being dependent on someone else. You will go to great lengths to avoid asking for help or appearing needy.
You have a hard time accurately evaluating your strengths and weaknesses. You’re not sure what your likes and dislikes are.
You’re very compassionate and forgiving towards others, but you tend to be very critical towards yourself. Others regularly perceive you as a good listener.
You try to avoid difficult emotions and to hide negative feelings so that others won’t see them. You feel like you should be happier but can’t understand why you aren’t.
You feel angry and disgusted with yourself. You blame yourself for not being happier.
You believe that you have to keep your true self hidden because if people saw you for who you really are, they wouldn’t like you. It’s hard to open up to people. You often expect to be rejected.
You have difficulty caring for others and yourself. You’re good at offering practical advice, but not emotional support. You feel uncomfortable when others cry in your presence or when you cry yourself.
You struggle with self-discipline. You often label yourself lazy or a procrastinator. You tend to overindulge in food, spending, etc.
You are unable to define your feelings, or even recognize that you’re having feelings. You tend to be irritable or to surprise yourself with excessive angry reactions.
If you relate to some of these characteristics and you think you may have experienced emotional neglect or you’re curious for more information, book an appointment with me to learn more about yourself and your emotional experiences.
For further reading about emotional neglect, check out Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect by Webb & Musello.