We all know that Valentine’s Day is a Hallmark holiday created to promote consumerism. But as a couples therapist, I am here to tell you that you can never go wrong by showing your partner and your relationship a little bit of extra TLC, so if it takes a random day in February to remind you to put in a little bit of extra effort, so be it. For some, roses and chocolates might just do the trick to make them feel special, but for many, their needs in order to feel loved and cared for run deeper.
In his book The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman outlines five common behaviors associated with demonstrating love. This concept has become well-known in mainstream American culture and I’m always encouraged when couples that I work with are aware of their own love language and that of their partner. The concept of the love languages is that we each have unique needs in order to feel loved and cared for in our relationships, and often one partner’s needs do not match the other. Personally, I enjoy receiving gifts, but that isn’t my love language, so while I may appreciate the surprise, it’s not going to make me feel cared for.
This Valentine’s Day, I challenge you to think beyond the pink and red stuffed animals you see in the stores and demonstrate your love for your partner in a way that will feel particularly meaningful to them.
So what are the 5 Love Languages?
Acts of service- Doing something for your partner that you know they would like, or taking a responsibility off of their plate. This can be anything from bringing them a cup of coffee in bed to emptying the dishwasher.
Gifts-Showing your love through material items. This can be something elaborate like an expensive piece of jewelry or something very simple, like a card or their favorite candy bar.
Quality time- Spending time together doesn’t just have to mean long walks on the beach and date nights. It can be something simple like sitting on the couch together before bed and talking about your day or running errands together.
Physical touch- Sexual or otherwise, physical touch can be comforting and intimate. So many couples let their affection for one another dwindle down to a robotic kiss on the way out the door. Take time for a real hug, to hold hands or give your partner a massage.
Words of affirmation- Everybody likes compliments, but words of affirmation should be focused on providing meaningful feedback about how your partner adds value. Tell your partner how much you admire their work ethic, what it means to your family to have them to rely on or how much you enjoy their sense of humor.
Most importantly, choose a way to show love to your partner by choosing a method that is specific to them.
Don’t know what your love language is? Take the quiz here: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/
For more support connecting with your partner and improving your relationship, contact me today. I can help.