Depression is extremely common in America and around the world. In the United States, 16.2 million adults have experienced a major depressive disorder in the past year, according to the World Health Organization. For those who have a partner who experiences depression, it can be frustrating at times and hard to know how to help, particularly if you have never experienced it yourself.
Here are my relationship tips for supporting a partner with depression:
Educate yourself- If you’re not familiar with the signs and symptoms of depression, it’s important to educate yourself and learn about what depression can look like. Without recognizing your partner’s behavior as a symptom, it can be easy to label them as lazy, irritable or overly emotional. Misunderstanding your partner’s behavior can lead to resentment.
Be patient and empathetic- It’s okay to acknowledge that being with a partner who experiences depression can be very frustrating. It can be. People with depression often know what would make them feel better, but lack the motivation to follow-through. This isn’t because they’re lazy. Decreased interest and motivation is a common symptom of depression. It’s hard to watch someone feel terrible without taking the necessary steps to take care of themselves. Try to image how it may feel for them and be patient rather than letting your animosity build.
Discuss expectations directly- Just because someone is feeling depressed doesn’t mean that they are off the hook entirely for all responsibilities, but they may not feel up to shouldering their usual load. People often have a lowered level of functioning during periods of depression. Try to collaborate to determine their capabilities. Talk with them directly about what they are able to commit to and what they need extra help with. If they don’t follow-through on their agreement, revisit the conversation to identify what happened.
Speak up about your own needs- While empathy and patience for a person experiencing depression is very important, that doesn’t mean that you have to ignore your own needs. It’s okay to say that you’re feeling disconnected, unsupported and frustrated. Just be conscious of how you deliver the message and try to avoid blaming statements. During periods of depression, most people are already feeling worthless. Shaming them won’t help. Although many feel uncomfortable doing so, it’s entirely fair to ask your partner to go to therapy and/or consider medication. While everyone is entitled to make their own health decisions, it’s not acceptable to refuse help when you have a partner or a family who is counting on you. It’s not ideal, but sometimes an ultimatum is necessary to maintain the relationship.
Enlist the help of others if you’re concerned about your partner’s safety- If you aren’t a trained mental health professional, you shouldn’t be expected to know how to help when someone is experiencing thoughts of suicide. If your partner references suicide, call 911. Don’t worry if they will be mad at you or question if you’re overreacting. These types of statements needs to be taken seriously and only a trained professional can make the call whether further action needs to be taken. Trust me, you’re doing the right thing.
Supporting a partner with depression can be very stressful and difficult. Seeking extra support for yourself can help. Contact me to make an appointment today.