Since we all began sheltering in place, many of the people I work with have expressed a sense of frustration that they are backsliding on their progress. Maybe your depression was just starting to lift, and now you’re feeling isolated and trapped again. You were just starting to apply for jobs, and now there aren’t any. Or maybe you had just gotten up the guts to start dating, and now you aren’t allowed to meet anyone new. Change takes time and can often feel like a painful process. For many who were just starting to benefit from the fruits of their labor, this adjustment has felt like a giant slap in the face.
If you can relate, consider these four tools to help maintain your momentum.
1. Challenge your all-or-nothing thinking. - We all tend to engage in all-or-nothing thinking at times. When we’re feeling down, this type of distorted thought is more common, causing us to struggle to see the gray area between where we wanted to be and the worst case scenario. For many of us, the goals we were working towards have gotten sidelined or delayed, but this doesn’t mean they have come to a screeching halt, or that the progress we have already made doesn’t matter. Just because you can’t find a job to apply for today doesn’t mean you’ll be stuck in your current position forever. Take an honest look at how you’re thinking about your goals and try to look for the gray area. If you’re having trouble finding it on your own, ask someone you trust to help. Sometimes it’s hard to get out of our own heads.
2. Find creative ways to keep working towards your goals.- Your original plan may not be accessible right now, but that doesn’t mean your goals have to be entirely on hold. Use your creativity to brainstorm less obvious action steps. Instead of applying for new jobs, take an online course so that your credentials stand out once the job market opens back up. Instead of giving up on a relationship, keep working on building your self-esteem so that you can show up as the best version of yourself once you’re able to meet someone for drinks down the road.
3. Allow yourself to grieve your expectations.- If you’ve been working hard on yourself and your goals, whether in therapy or on your own, and you were just starting to see some results,a global pandemic can feel like a total gut punch. It’s not fair, it shouldn’t have to be this hard, and the process of personal growth can feel exhausting. It’s okay to acknowledge that you feel defeated and that this unexpected change feels like a loss in so many ways. Your feelings are valid.
4. Remember, this is temporary.- As shelter in place orders continue to get extended and uncertainty remains about when this will all blow over, it can start to feel like the walls are closing in. Spending so much time in our homes, isolated, prohibited from seeing the people we love and doing the things we enjoy is really hard. Many of us are feeling trapped. Just remember, this isn’t permanent. Things will go back to normal, or some version of it, eventually. Don’t lose sight of the light at the end of tunnel.
If you’re feeling frustrated, lost or stuck, make a telehealth appointment with me today.
Written by: Kate Loewenstein