In my last few blog posts, we have reviewed secure attachment- how it’s developed and how to foster it in ourselves.
In her book The Power of Attachment, Diane Poole Heller offers this list of 15 questions to assess for secure attachment:
Do you want to be close to others, find it easy to connect, and expect relationships to go well?
Do you feel relaxed most of the time with people who are close to you?
Do you transition between alone time and time together fluidly and without much difficulty?
Do you and your partner apologize easily and work for win-win solutions to any conflicts that arise?
Do you believe that people are basically good at heart?
Is it important to you to meet the needs of people who are close to you?
Do you easily and clearly ask to have your own needs met?
Are you present with your loved ones and free yourself from distractions when connecting?
Do you work to maintain safety in your relationships, and do you protect those with whom you feel close?
Do you look forward to spending time with your partner and friends?
Are you affectionate with those with whom you feel close?
Do you respect others’ needs for privacy?
How important are healthy boundaries to you?
Do you leave when things are too off in a relationship, knowing there are other great options for fulfilling relationships?
Do you make time to play regularly?
Regardless of how you responded to these questions, I invite you to refer to my previous blog post outlining strategies to foster secure attachment. Practice them. We all have the capacity to attach securely with others.
To learn more about your own attachment style and strengthen your attachment skills, make an appointment today.
Written by: Kate Loewenstein, LCSW